A facebook friend posted someone else's blog post to their wall. I don't know who it is, but I love the post! (there were only a couple things I was not entirely on board with, but most of it is absolutely fantastic)
Boundaries
And I want it on here so I can find it again if I ever need it. The part about honesty near the very end... I've seen/experienced a series of dishonest interactions, and the situation can turn out very sadly, with at least one of the people getting very seriously hurt.
Honesty is such an important aspect of any relationship... Between friends, parents and children, and even complete strangers. Which may be why I kind of have a problem with nonexclusive flirts. If a person gives little pieces of themselves to basically every person of the opposite sex that they meet, then what's left? And it leads people on, undoubtedly. Goodness, I could go on all day about that. But maybe I don't really suppose there's anything wrong with exclusively flirting with one person that someone is genuinely interested in. However, perhaps that isn't flirting, per say.
But I suppose I do tease people... but it seems that when a person teases everyone, including your friends of the same gender, your family, and other people, then it's a different story. My mom does it to new visitors to make them feel comfortable, because her family did it to visitors when she grew up. Maybe some people take offense, but if most people can tell it's not serious, it can be a great way to break the ice.
I really don't know where I'm going with this, and I really didn't intend to do more than just post that link on here, but now that I'm talking about relationship stuff, I'll just let go of some other things I've had weighing on my heart.
So, I grew up one of three girls. My dad's a quiet guy, but he's always taken such good care of us. And he's such an amazing inspiration for my faith, especially in his little sacrifices he makes each day, without complaint. But at the same time, he's not my peer.
Sure, I had a couple guy friends back in elementary school... Back when "Oh! You have Beanie Babies, and I have Beanie Babies! Let's play!" was the norm at post-lunch recesses. But once fifth grade started, and a couple people in my grade started "going out" (gag me, you're eleven years old!), I lost those friendships. I don't really mourn their loss, because each one was basically all about a single mutual interest... But I do sometimes wonder what would have happened had I experienced a single opposite-sex friendship from fifth grade until about tenth grade, when some of my girl friends started pairing up with guys I knew. And my sisters started dating, but up until the past year, their significant others just seemed to be trying to garner my approval through gifts, or, to my disgust, trying to turn my sister against me and my opinions of their less-than-healthy relationship. But I could talk about that all day too.
Would I have turned into a flirt? Would I have had a best guy friend to ask about why guys do certain things? Would I have dated in high school? I suppose I wouldn't have fallen into several silly emotional traps that I found myself in when I first started college.
I may have known how to relate to guys, but I doubt that I would have cultivated the strong same-gender friendships that are so important to me now. Because sometimes, a girl just needs her friend to watch chick flicks, do nails, or go shopping with. To have late-night conversations about standards for a relationship that has yet to happen. To cry with when things don't go as planned. And yes, not all girls are into these things, but plain and simple, girls need some girl friends, and guys need guy friends. The activities are different, but the idea is the same.
Part of my point is that I have had this rather one-sided experience for almost my entire life. It has only been in the past year that I have finally become more comfortable talking with guys on a friend-to-friend basis, without psychoanalyzing everything they say in case they might like me. A great deal of it was gained through heartache and healing with guys who I had crushes on (even though they had absolutely no interest in me) in my group of friends. And it is hard to get over some people. Especially for people like me, who become so emotionally involved with the image they create of people instead of their actual selves.
And a lot of the experience came through (it may sound strange) talking with guys whose girlfriends are some of my friends. It really helps that there's absolutely no pressure to act a certain way with them. Group settings also allow for interesting experiences, where you can see guys interact with other guys, and girls interact with guys, and girls interact with guys. And I probably should stop using the word "guy" because most of the males at school I know now aren't guys--they're men, or men-in-training. And I appreciate how they treat me with respect. It follows naturally that I should do the same for them.
CYA at home has helped, too. I'd say probably 90% of the men there are at least seven years older than I am, and they act like the brothers I've never had. : ) More great, healthy, no-pressure situations.
So, for a while, I was pretty bitter about my lack of experience with relating to males. They just didn't seem to care about or want to get to know me better for so many years. But those were immature guys (that term is appropriate), and until I came to acquaint myself with more respectful men at school and through CYA (both places include men who are trying to deepen their faith lives), I didn't know what a healthy boy-girl friendship was, or could be.
It's sad that there are so many immature guys out there... It probably doesn't help that there's a lack of good strong male role models in the world today. Even within some churches. There's so much apathy, and so much emphasis on things being "easy" and "useful." Advertisements don't talk about suffering, dedication, and patience being essential to becoming a better person. And I realize that all people of faith (who actively pursue holiness) are up against such dangerous societal attitudes, where someone's "best" is often whatever they feel like doing so that they can get what they want.
I know I give into that on a regular basis. I can be lazy. I procrastinate on my homework during the school year. I could spend all day on this computer, typing away. But if no one reads it, what good does it do? I'm writing to myself. Which is why this is great for organizing my thoughts and getting them down, but not so great for evangelization (which Firefox apparently thinks is not a word, go figure). One of my favorite priests said in a homily, "Be in the world, but not of the world."
But, on a different note, I've still been discerning my vocation. Right now, I'm feeling a stronger attraction to the vocation of marriage. I am not sure if it's something I'm creating for myself or if it's God trying to point me in the right direction, but I will keep praying.
By God's grace, I've learned to be a bit more patient with a certain situation, because He has given me peace to wait and see what happens. If anything does. Yes, it's a relationship thing. But at this point, it's so different than what I've gone through before, in that I know that if something develops, we started out on the right foot, by cultivating a friendship first. And I know that I'm getting better at the not-obsessing thing that I have always suffered from, which is so refreshing... And a whole lot easier on my nerves. ; ) At the same time, I need to pray for God's will for both myself and my friend, in case he's calling either of us to something different.
So... I think I've run out of steam... And if I think of a picture later, I'll add it.
Time to go eat lunch.
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