Health & Habits

I thought I'd just do one more June post... But I've been reading more of Rediscovering Catholicism by Matthew Kelly, and his comments on humility and the search for happiness are so good, I just wanted to share a couple of the many things he says that I find inspirational:

"If we would just walk humbly with our God, he would lead us by the hand to that which is just for us, made for us, intended for us, and this alone will be the cause of our deep fulfillment and happiness" (128).

-and-

"Our lives change when our habits change" (130).

Which is absolutely true, when I think about it. When I wanted to start taking better care of my health my freshman year, it started by changing old, bad, habits, and making new, good ones. I started going to the gym, making it my goal to get there at least twice a week. I watched what I ate instead of chowing down on whatever was offered in the main line at the dining center. It was hard. Very difficult, sometimes, to change what I had ingrained in my schedule for years. I had to make time to go work out.

And it got me thinking... If I can take the time to improve my physical health, why not my spiritual health? And why not get others to hold me accountable to a prayer life, in the same way that having others exercise with me helps motivate me to go in the first place. With my exercising, I started out grudgingly. I knew that I had to change my habits, and it took time, energy, and patience.

But I started seeing results. I slept better, I had more energy during the day, and was generally less moody. I knew I was taking better care of my body, and eventually, I came to enjoy and actually desire working out. That's how I knew it was good.

Because our bodies aren't bad. God gave them to us so we could take care of them, to make them temples of His Spirit. Of course we shouldn't obsess about them, because that can lead to sin... But we are meant to care for ourselves, and to desire to glorify God through our bodies.

Well, where I was really getting to with this was how I learned to desire good habits. The 20 "highly suggested" minutes of mental prayer for FOCUS leaders started out for me as an obligation. I kept checking my time, making sure I knew how many minutes I had left... But, as with the working out, I eventually came to see that prayer could transform my life. Yes, merely twenty minutes of mental prayer, minimizing distractions, and just spending time trying to converse with the Lord has so much power.

Because once you come to love those twenty minutes, it's not enough. Even if you're not sitting somewhere in a room or chapel with a Bible sitting on your lap, you can pray. Heck, my sometimes-scary driving prompted me to pray every time before I go somewhere to form me into a safer driver and keep me compassionate when I encounter driving that I don't like. Sometimes someone's name or image pops up in my head at some point during the day and I try to remember to pray for that person.

The key is to remember, and as Matthew Kelly says, habits change lives. I forget to pray all the time. Usually, it's when I'm really busy or just being really lazy. But when I remember, I find that my days have so much more meaning. They have a purpose and a higher calling than just going through the motions of a college-student-summer-life.

So my picture for today is reflecting on yesterday's readings, and I spent some time relaxing outside the other day, enjoying God's beautiful creation : ) and noticed how gorgeous the flower petals were in my mom's garden. Not just from far away, but they seemed to be actually glittery up close, shining in the sunlight that has been far too seldom in this past week.

And since my life has actually been pretty good, lately, this verse kind of reminded me of the need to praise God not only when things are rotten, but when life is wonderful and you have the time to realize it.

"Look to him that you may be radiant with joy."
-Psalm 34:6

A gem...

A facebook friend posted someone else's blog post to their wall. I don't know who it is, but I love the post! (there were only a couple things I was not entirely on board with, but most of it is absolutely fantastic)

Boundaries

And I want it on here so I can find it again if I ever need it. The part about honesty near the very end... I've seen/experienced a series of dishonest interactions, and the situation can turn out very sadly, with at least one of the people getting very seriously hurt.

Honesty is such an important aspect of any relationship... Between friends, parents and children, and even complete strangers. Which may be why I kind of have a problem with nonexclusive flirts. If a person gives little pieces of themselves to basically every person of the opposite sex that they meet, then what's left? And it leads people on, undoubtedly. Goodness, I could go on all day about that. But maybe I don't really suppose there's anything wrong with exclusively flirting with one person that someone is genuinely interested in. However, perhaps that isn't flirting, per say.

But I suppose I do tease people... but it seems that when a person teases everyone, including your friends of the same gender, your family, and other people, then it's a different story. My mom does it to new visitors to make them feel comfortable, because her family did it to visitors when she grew up. Maybe some people take offense, but if most people can tell it's not serious, it can be a great way to break the ice.

I really don't know where I'm going with this, and I really didn't intend to do more than just post that link on here, but now that I'm talking about relationship stuff, I'll just let go of some other things I've had weighing on my heart.

So, I grew up one of three girls. My dad's a quiet guy, but he's always taken such good care of us. And he's such an amazing inspiration for my faith, especially in his little sacrifices he makes each day, without complaint. But at the same time, he's not my peer.

Sure, I had a couple guy friends back in elementary school... Back when "Oh! You have Beanie Babies, and I have Beanie Babies! Let's play!" was the norm at post-lunch recesses. But once fifth grade started, and a couple people in my grade started "going out" (gag me, you're eleven years old!), I lost those friendships. I don't really mourn their loss, because each one was basically all about a single mutual interest... But I do sometimes wonder what would have happened had I experienced a single opposite-sex friendship from fifth grade until about tenth grade, when some of my girl friends started pairing up with guys I knew. And my sisters started dating, but up until the past year, their significant others just seemed to be trying to garner my approval through gifts, or, to my disgust, trying to turn my sister against me and my opinions of their less-than-healthy relationship. But I could talk about that all day too.

Would I have turned into a flirt? Would I have had a best guy friend to ask about why guys do certain things? Would I have dated in high school? I suppose I wouldn't have fallen into several silly emotional traps that I found myself in when I first started college.

I may have known how to relate to guys, but I doubt that I would have cultivated the strong same-gender friendships that are so important to me now. Because sometimes, a girl just needs her friend to watch chick flicks, do nails, or go shopping with. To have late-night conversations about standards for a relationship that has yet to happen. To cry with when things don't go as planned. And yes, not all girls are into these things, but plain and simple, girls need some girl friends, and guys need guy friends. The activities are different, but the idea is the same.

Part of my point is that I have had this rather one-sided experience for almost my entire life. It has only been in the past year that I have finally become more comfortable talking with guys on a friend-to-friend basis, without psychoanalyzing everything they say in case they might like me. A great deal of it was gained through heartache and healing with guys who I had crushes on (even though they had absolutely no interest in me) in my group of friends. And it is hard to get over some people. Especially for people like me, who become so emotionally involved with the image they create of people instead of their actual selves.

And a lot of the experience came through (it may sound strange) talking with guys whose girlfriends are some of my friends. It really helps that there's absolutely no pressure to act a certain way with them. Group settings also allow for interesting experiences, where you can see guys interact with other guys, and girls interact with guys, and girls interact with guys. And I probably should stop using the word "guy" because most of the males at school I know now aren't guys--they're men, or men-in-training. And I appreciate how they treat me with respect. It follows naturally that I should do the same for them.

CYA at home has helped, too. I'd say probably 90% of the men there are at least seven years older than I am, and they act like the brothers I've never had. : ) More great, healthy, no-pressure situations.

So, for a while, I was pretty bitter about my lack of experience with relating to males. They just didn't seem to care about or want to get to know me better for so many years. But those were immature guys (that term is appropriate), and until I came to acquaint myself with more respectful men at school and through CYA (both places include men who are trying to deepen their faith lives), I didn't know what a healthy boy-girl friendship was, or could be.

It's sad that there are so many immature guys out there... It probably doesn't help that there's a lack of good strong male role models in the world today. Even within some churches. There's so much apathy, and so much emphasis on things being "easy" and "useful." Advertisements don't talk about suffering, dedication, and patience being essential to becoming a better person. And I realize that all people of faith (who actively pursue holiness) are up against such dangerous societal attitudes, where someone's "best" is often whatever they feel like doing so that they can get what they want.

I know I give into that on a regular basis. I can be lazy. I procrastinate on my homework during the school year. I could spend all day on this computer, typing away. But if no one reads it, what good does it do? I'm writing to myself. Which is why this is great for organizing my thoughts and getting them down, but not so great for evangelization (which Firefox apparently thinks is not a word, go figure). One of my favorite priests said in a homily, "Be in the world, but not of the world."

But, on a different note, I've still been discerning my vocation. Right now, I'm feeling a stronger attraction to the vocation of marriage. I am not sure if it's something I'm creating for myself or if it's God trying to point me in the right direction, but I will keep praying.

By God's grace, I've learned to be a bit more patient with a certain situation, because He has given me peace to wait and see what happens. If anything does. Yes, it's a relationship thing. But at this point, it's so different than what I've gone through before, in that I know that if something develops, we started out on the right foot, by cultivating a friendship first. And I know that I'm getting better at the not-obsessing thing that I have always suffered from, which is so refreshing... And a whole lot easier on my nerves. ; ) At the same time, I need to pray for God's will for both myself and my friend, in case he's calling either of us to something different.

So... I think I've run out of steam... And if I think of a picture later, I'll add it.

Time to go eat lunch.

For where your treasure is...

Today's readings contain so many pearls of wisdom...

The first one from 2 Kings has some rather scary events, in which Athaliah goes into such a fit of rage that she seeks to slay her own dead son's children. One son is saved by his aunt, who hides him away for seven years. For one, I can't figure out how she wouldn't realize that a child is missing, unless she ordered other people to do the actual slaying. For another, this plot line, although usually with an evil uncle (or steward), seems very familiar. Hamlet, Prince Caspian, Return of the King...

In the end, the child reclaims his birthright to become king, his grandmother is killed, and everything is restored to order. The kid was seven years old when he became king, but ended up reigning for forty years (very important biblical number, it seems). But he follows the Lord during his entire kingship, which is extremely admirable, considering so many of the other kings talked about in history.

In stories like Prince Caspian and Return of the King, it takes a lot of faith to accept and hail a new king... It's not like now, in the US, where we can only have one president for a maximum of two terms. The people were stuck with their leader until he or she died, so that if they were freaky leaders like I'm sure Athaliah was, they couldn't do anything about it.

Lately, I've been really disillusioned with politics and politicians, most of whom only seem to be invested in their own wealth and/or power. The best politicians are ones that actually keep promises, believe in something greater than themselves, and actually practice it. They are few and far between, unfortunately... Which is why this first reading was so intriguing to me. Faced with leading a place of such import as Jerusalem, Joash, the king, must have faced so much temptation with power, and yet he maintained respect and reverence, going down in history as a great leader.

The Gospel is one of those super-famous passages in Matthew 6 about treasure and the eye/light/dark thing... I'll just copy the first part since it's short:

Jesus said to his disciples:

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth,

where moth and decay destroy, and thieves break in and steal.

But store up treasures in heaven,

where neither moth nor decay destroys, nor thieves break in and steal.

For where your treasure is, there also will your heart be.”

The treasure part is pretty understandable, but its Truth is poignant. At Mass today, the priest spoke for less than a minute, speaking about how a family was planning a funeral and decided that this passage perfectly described the deceased person's life. What an honor!

Where is my heart? Am I setting my heart only on earthly treasures: money, friends, hobbies (which are all good in their way), or am I pursuing the treasure of eternal life? How do I do this?

I picked up "Rediscovering Catholicism" by Matthew Kelly again after letting it gather dust on my bookshelf for far too long... And there's a chapter on leading an authentic life that I found was spot on. Kelly says, "Our daily tasks have spiritual value. You don't work for eight dollars an hour, you work to transform your soul, to become more fully yourself, and thus, to give glory to God" (69). He reasons that we, as Christians, have lost the art of striving for holiness, because we have forgotten what it is.

Even in my daily, mundane tasks, I can pursue holiness by giving everything to God.

And as for the eye/light/darkness thing, since I like taking pictures of eyes so much (hahaha), I decided to do my picture for part of that passage:

"The lamp of the body is the eye. If your eye is sound, your whole body will be filled with light."
-Matthew 6:22

Decisions...

Well, things are looking up! The job situation was very discouraging for a while, but now things are settled. I had an interview for an internship one morning a little over a week ago, and I thought it would be the ideal situation… Good pay, good hours, science-related. But the interview… well, let’s just say that it was overwhelming, and I determined that I wasn’t really comfortable with the work environment, but I was still tempted. The interviewers had told me that they would get in touch with me in 1-2 weeks, after they interviewed more candidates.

I had checked up on the status of an application at a retail store I had gotten an interview at earlier in the week, and had been told that the manager would get in touch with me the day I had the interview for the internship.

Complicated, complicated. Well, I got a call from the retail store while I was driving back home from the internship interview, and let it go to voicemail since I don’t like answering my phone while driving. And I prayed. And I prayed. And I talked to my mom. And prayed some more.

And, like most girls, I talked to my mom to figure my own problems out. She is one of the best listeners that I know… And she didn’t give advice; she just let me spill and prompted me to weigh out the decision. Waiting around to hear about the internship would drive me crazy while on vacation, and trying to relax about everything that’s plagued me for the last few weeks. But the pay was good, and I didn’t even know if the retail place was going to offer me a job.

At the time, and now, I still realize that these kinds of decisions can shape someone’s life. Yes, it may just be a “summer job,” but these kinds of experiences can mold us in ways that we never imagined. How do we make the right decision? I was tempted… SO tempted… to stick with waiting out for the internship because the pay and hours would be better than any other retail position I applied for. And it would look good on my resume.

But eventually, after deciding against the internship, I called the retail store back, and took the job that they offered me. I waited to feel remorse, or regret, but it didn’t come. I felt peace. Yes, the hours may not give me a lot of flexibility, and the pay isn’t nearly as good, but the women I will be working with seem very friendly and helpful. I thanked God that I didn’t have to worry about not having a job while I went on vacation with my family. I thanked Him that all my scurrying around to find something finally paid off.

My joy was not marred by the internship company calling me later that afternoon (after I had finished the paperwork for becoming an employee for the retail position), offering me the internship. I couldn’t believe that I didn’t feel bad about the situation.

The peace and the joy are what tipped me off that this was the right decision from a faith perspective. I knew that this is a very important summer for me; it necessitated a choice between being content with getting a little cash to pay for gas next school year, and having a lot more money and less time to spend in service.

Because I already know my schedule for June (I love how they put it together ahead of time), I know that I will have time to go to daily Mass and adoration every week. I can volunteer at the library again, probably, which I loved doing last summer. I can get weekends off next month to spend time with people coming in from out of town, and going up to school to visit.

And this peace… It’s wonderful. Because it reminds me of the peace I felt when I knew I made the right decision about where to go to school, how to get involved at the Newman Center, and who to disciple through FOCUS, and who to ask to be my roommate. And I know it doesn’t come from me. It comes from God.

I just had to do my part (applying), and he took over and made things happen like they were supposed to. I know it’s not going to be a piece of cake; no job is easy. But I know I’m where he wants me to be, and that gives me hope.

Verses from my favorite psalm had been going through my head throughout this whole struggle, and it’s actually in the readings for today… Perfect! : )

“I raise my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? It comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.”

–Psalm 121:1-2