Peace

"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 4:7

I've been watching a few Youtube videos on vocation and dating and such made by LifeTeen:
Vocation confusion
Sisters: in their own words
Are you ready to date?

They're really, really good! The "Are you ready to date?" one was kind of interesting, because I think it applies a lot to what I mentioned in my last post, of discerning things... And of course, the woman was talking about dating, but I think it can apply to just about any situation. She says that a person is ready to date when they feel peace in both their person (feeling comfortable with who they are) and in their prayer life (being able to enter into prayer more fully).

Very good words of advice, because before, I kind of considered that decisions required knowledge, of knowing that something is correct or the "right" path. I suppose that's right in some way... But I never got to the root of it, that that knowing comes from having peace with God and trusting in his powers to show me what He wants to lead me to. It's not necessarily just a "happy" feeling inside (which, sadly, the devil can manipulate), but it's a closeness with God and his will.

My job situation lately has been only one such situation... I applied with my mom's company earlier this month, and they basically told me that they had to go through the formalities of the application and the interviews and such because they had to legally to offer someone a job. That I basically had it in the bag. After the in-person interview, they realized that I go back to school a lot earlier than most college students from around where I live, and after a couple messy discussions between managers, they decided not to offer me the job.

That crushed my pride, because, for one, it almost seemed like they were coming up with excuses not to hire me. I thought the interviews went well, but that's only my perspective. My mom kept telling me that it's not me, that it's their politics and inner workings, but I kept beating myself up, basically.

Until I realized that maybe that was meant to happen. That I placed my hope too fully on this one opportunity and that I needed a healthy dose of humility. Before I went into the interview, I prayed for God's will. And this must have been it. I'm not supposed to work there, and it should give me comfort to know that God found a way for me to not get the position. It still hurts, but with a ton more applications to fill out and checking up, I really hope I can get something. If it is His will.

"In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."
-Proverbs 3:6

As for my vocation, I've been really attracted to the vocation of marriage lately, but once again, I just have to keep asking God to show me... in his time, what is best.


"But remember the Lord your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your forefathers, as it is today."
-Deuteronomy 8:18

How?

Oh, this whole discernment thing is tough. I have to admit, I really don't know how to even tell when, or even if, the Holy Spirit is prompting me to do something. With my college decision, I could feel it down to my core. I know I'm in the right place here, and that I'm supposed to be a Bible study leader through FOCUS. That much I've discerned.

But what about everyday things? Whether it's okay to like a certain guy (yes, I know, again with the guys)... Or whether I should approach certain friends about issues I want to help them with over the summer.

There are so many little decisions every day in my life, and I know that most of the time I just decide without thinking or praying about it. Certain things should be habit, right, like brushing my teeth or going to class? Should I try to do those things with a more prayerful approach, even if they seem mundane?

And I'm trying to discern my vocation, since God should be my priority. The litany of humility keeps bringing me back to a higher calling, of being okay if nothing happens with a certain situation... Which kind of confuses me, but oh well.

But summer is here, and I guess it's okay to walk away from my school issues for a while and focus on home. My family, my friends here, my job prospects. Why do I cling so tightly to something I can do very little about from a distance? And something I should not worry about because if it's meant to happen, it will happen.

"Blessed be the Lord day by day, God, our salvation, who carries us."
-Psalm 68:20

Confusion?

My mom, an extremely wise woman, told me that God is not a God of confusion. That He is clear... And I know that my impatience with his timing is entirely of my own doing. He doesn't want me to be worried or puzzled about situations that may or may not happen. If it's His will, I want to will it too. But if it isn't, then... I'll be okay.

It's been pretty cloudy and gloomy lately, "perfect" weather for dead week. But the end of the semester is in sight, and then the summer begins. Beautiful freedom, and hopefully a chance to grow deeper in my faith by reaching out to others. More opportunities to see and appreciate the dignity of those I encounter.

Tobymac:
"So, baby, hold on
Just another day or two [or until next Friday]
I can see the clouds are moving faster now
And the sun is breaking through"

Coldplay: "We live in a beautiful world / Yeah, we do (yeah, we do)"